Edward Furlong is gaining weight for a new Terminator movie
In a surprising twist, James Cameron has announced that Edward Furlong will reprise his iconic role as John Connor in the latest Terminator installment, “Terminator: Rise of the Couch Potato.” But this time, there’s a catch: Connor isn’t returning as the battle-hardened, chiseled leader of the human resistance we once knew. Instead, Cameron has asked Furlong to gain weight, transforming John Connor into an overweight, beer-loving, chain-smoking everyman who’s just as comfortable on the couch as he is in combat.
Cameron’s vision upends the typical Hollywood action hero archetype, swapping out muscle-bound warriors for a more relatable, flawed leader who looks like he could be your next-door neighbor. Gone are the days of punishing workout routines and protein shakes; Furlong has been indulging in a strict regimen of pizza, video games, and binge-watching TV to prepare for the role. The result? A John Connor who might just be the most relatable hero ever put on screen—a man with a beer gut, a bad attitude, and the firepower to take on any threat.
SPOILER ALERT!!!!
Imagine this scene that was recently leaked to our editors: John Connor, the unlikeliest of heroes, sits in his dimly lit trailer surrounded by empty beer cans, scrap metal, and Guns N' Roses posters. He’s wearing a faded "Appetite for Destruction" t-shirt stretched over his rounded belly and a pair of black leather pants. His hair is pulled back in a ponytail, revealing a weathered face that screams, "I’ve been through hell, and I want more hell.”
He sits slumped in an old chair, held together with duct tape, nursing a beer while blasting "Welcome to the Jungle" on his stereo. Suddenly, the door swings open, and in walks a shiny, state-of-the-art Terminator—but this isn’t just any killing machine. It’s an environmentally friendly, woke, Hollywood-approved model made entirely from recycled materials.
John looks up, eyes bleary and unimpressed, and growls, "Oh great, another one who wants to kill me... how original." The Terminator, with a smug smile, responds, "I’m here to terminate you, John Connor.” John takes a casual swig of beer, burps, and quips, "Hasta lasagna, don’t get any on ya!" He then pulls out a ridiculous, modified laser gun, cobbled together from scrap parts and powered by a V8 engine. The Terminator attempts to dodge, but John’s absurd weapon is too fast, too furious, and way too over-the-top. The machine explodes in a glorious burst of sparks and recyclable debris.
John takes another puff of his cigarette, glances at the smoldering wreckage, and says, "I’ll be back, mother...f’er!" The camera zooms out as John struts away, ready to face the next woke Terminator that dares to step in his path.
END OF SPOILERS!!!!
As you can tell by this leaked scene John isn’t your typical action hero—this is John Connor, a battle-worn legend with a beer gut and a whole lot of attitude. If you’re not pumped to see this reimagined version of the character on the big screen, what do you even want? This is the story we deserve. In an industry obsessed with impossible standards, Cameron’s bold move feels like a breath of fresh air. The leader of the human resistance is now one of us—flawed, pudgy, and just trying to make it through the apocalypse one beer at a time.
So here’s to Edward Furlong, embracing his inner couch potato to become the most unlikely action hero we never knew we needed. Grab a cold one, kick back, and let John Connor lead the way. Hasta la vista, baby... and pass the Doritos.
Scoop by Holly Wood