In shocking move, Trump fires Disney and promises “No More Woke Crap!
In an unexpected twist that has left Hollywood, Wall Street, and the entire Internet in disbelief, Donald Trump has announced he’s buying Disney. In a press statement that could only come from Trump himself, he revealed plans to usher in a “new era” of Disney magic with what he calls “100% pure, unfiltered masculinity.”
Not only is this acquisition Trump’s biggest deal since real estate, but he’s declared it his first official act as the 47th President ending what he calls “woke nonsense” once and for all. According to analysts, Trump’s plan could rake in billions more for Disney in 2025, with his primary focus on what he’s calling “red-blooded, all-American entertainment.”
Disney’s Star Wars universe, which Trump claims has “lost its edge,” will be the first to undergo a transformation. “It’s time to bring back real heroes, real villains, and none of this virtue-signaling,” he said, promising that lightsabers will now be twice the size, triple the brightness, and capable of cutting through more than plot armor. And yes, Kathleen Kennedy is reportedly out. “We don’t need any of these snowflake producers getting in the way of the action,” Trump added.
To ensure this new Disney era stays true to its mission, Trump has put together a board consisting of himself, Dana White, Joe Rogan, Hulk Hogan, Elon Musk and other “true patriots.” Trump’s new board officially titled the “Great American Cinema Council” will leave no room for what Trump calls “soft liberal nonsense.” Every movie, TV show, and animated special will go through a rigorous “Make Disney Great Again” review process. This council will make sure that Disney movies showcase strong, traditional values, real American grit, and zero “woke” influence. “This isn’t just a committee; this is America’s last line of defense against weak cinema,” Trump declared, fist in the air.
This story is still unfolding, and details are coming in quicker than Trump claiming credit for something he didn’t do. We’ll keep you updated as more develops.
-Scoop by Mellow Yellow